This is a picture of me graduating from Harvard.
I didn’t graduate from Harvard. I was only kidding. When this picture was taken I don’t think I even knew what Harvard was. Yes, back then, I was completely bats. And speaking of bats, bats flew overhead at my graduation. I could have followed those bats to their bat cave, collected all their droppings and sold it to buy one of those cute Victorian homes on Main Street. Hind sight is 20/20.
Bat droppings are valuable you know. They call it guano and its great fertilizer for plants. I wouldn’t know, I’ve never tried it. I thought about it though.
You know what else I thought about?
Just look at all this crap.
I could package it and sell it on the black market. I could make a fortune on this black gold. It’s actually more of a dark burnt sienna, really. They aren’t technically grasshopper droppings, its really locust poo.
I’ve got a bit of a locust infestation in my food forest. These are demonic locusts from the depths of Hades much like the ones that Moses sent upon Egypt.
Someone suggested that maybe God sent them to me to use as food. I could maybe put them in stir fry with a little broccoli and snow peas from the garden. So that’s what we had for dinner last night.
I’m just kidding. I sautee’d them with a little chili powder and put them in enchiladas.
They tasted a bit like the field mouse samosas we ate last Tuesday. The original recipe called for armadillo, but I have heard that those things have leprosy. That is so disgusting. I didn’t eat the enchiladas. I got invited to a pot luck at someone’s church and that’s what I brought. They loved them.
I think next time I’ll pluck the wings off first because those things get stuck between my teeth. They do give an exotic flavor to the enchiladas though. They taste sort of like toasted coconut.