My daughter swore up and down today that she would learn her multiplication table without giving me hard time, if only I would buy her a bag of butterscotch chips. I, being of sound mind, and eager to try new and innovative ways to make learning fun and exciting, I accepted this exciting new challenge.
I bought the candy. I bought into her cunning deceptive strategy.
When I was finished putting the groceries away, I noticed that my little girl had disappeared with the butterscotch candy. There was a rumor going around among the boys that little Miss Cheshire was hiding in her closet with the bag of candy and was eating it. When I called her to do multiplication, she told me that she lost the multiplication sheet to practice on, and she couldn’t find the candy.
I know she tells lies. Last year she got mad at me for making her eat the school lunch. So she snuck a bag of crackers to school and convinced her teacher that the only thing that I would let her eat at school was that tiny little bag of crackers.
She sneaks into the pantry while I’m not looking, and then I later find bowls of cereal and empty bags of crackers and chips laying about. She’s very secretive and sneaky.
Everyone’s got a skeleton in their closet. Some secret they keep for themselves and tell nobody about.
I had to pack up the stuff at my grandma’s house and move it into my parents garage. My dad put my grandma into a dirty state nursing home, and he sold her house so he could buy himself a car and pay some bills. Everyone thought my parents were really taking advantage of me for making me do all the work. I had to clean up her house and get it ready to sell.
I do have to say that I found some very interesting things in dear sweet grandma’s house. Some things led to stories that I had never heard of. Maybe it was grandma’s high morphine drip, I don’t know.
There is one picture that I haven’t been able to explain. If I could just figure out what on earth this picture is from, I think I might be able to sleep better at night.
Personally, I think this looks like a mug shot. I can’t believe that my perfect grandmother has a criminal record. Nobody talks about things. Everyone in my family just tells lies to cover things up.
I know one thing for sure. I am not buying those butterscotch chips any more. Those are so freaking good. I can’t stop eating them. I think they’re made out of crack.
Love
what?! little girls are sneaky too? thought it was just the boys
I too had a great deal of difficulty with the tables. After doing third grade twice, I still didn’t know them. So my very mean mother took it upon herself to get the job done. She made me write them all every day then put the paper under my pillow at night. Seemed very stupid to me but then I already was. So there you have it. By the end of the summer, mother dearest had done the job 2 teachers couldn’t do. I hated her for it until they quit making fun of me at school. I still remember them all quite right. Good luck Your daughter sounds much like myself at that age. Scary!
I can’t imagine finding a mugshot of my grandma – that’s priceless! -Rene
Wow! Loved this. A little Katrina in the making?
Brilliant. I love a family mystery, but then one of my loves is family history
, you never know, maybe the photo’s are from medical records of when she was in the RAF or ARM. I’m sure with a little bit of digging you could get to the bottom of it, however, you have to be sure that you really want to know the truth or are you better of remembering Grandma just they way she was to you?
Lovely story
Children really know how to lay it on when they want something. Got love um, but they can’t be trusted.
Delightful. A sweet read!
fab writing … i’m leaning to the mug shot… isn’t it interested the things we think we know we don’t know… and aren’t those things freaking good? x
wow! you sure do know how to write. and it is true….we all have stuff in our past…sometimes they surface and other times they don’t. but i find it beautiful when you choose to bring them to the surface and others still choose to love you despite of the past mistakes!
I just found proof in released Govt files last night that my Great Uncle Harry was arrested on suspicion of spying in Tangier in 1947, he was sent back to the UK for questioning then released. There was always a rumour that Harry was a bit 007, maybe your Gramma was a Bond Girl type
Ooops 1941.. see I’d never make a good spy, I have a terrible memory.
ROFLMBO!!! this is a wonderfully entertaining story of your daughter, having raised three of the beauties myself I can tell you it only gets worse as they get older , now would be the time to start purchasing Clariol stock by the way. Oh and a chastity belt , a strait jacket and put locks on the windows and doors with only one key that you keep hidden in fort knox.
As for the mug shot, after my grandmother on my mother’s side passed we found among her things her ID and badge , she had been an FBI agent! So, perhaps the mug shot is truly for something else, try a little digging if your willing to know if it’s bad.
Thank you for teaching her the multiplication tables. Most of my fifth grade students don’t know them, Stick with it, and I will buy you a bag of butterscotch chips.
Great and fun post! Hope your daughter saved you some butterscotch chips! What strategy have you now taken to learn those math facts? As for grandmother, I think it’s funny and a great mystery! It’s funny how families keep secrets…it all comes out eventually. Don’t you wonder what the big secret is? On the serious side, secrets and lies violate trust. Trust is hard if impossible to establish when family lies. Have fun uncovering the secrets.
I think the picture looks like a “Mug Shot” that you might get out of a photo booth in a mall!? If it was a mug shot…why would anyone keep it? And have you thought about making cookies out of those butterscotch chips? They last longer that way! : ) Scott
I was reminded of a mall photo booth, too, except for the height marks and utter despair. Kinda reminds me of a mall here in my town…
ah she is so cute and I want a crown now too
What an adorable story…Luuuved it…Peace Jaz
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enjoy your precious daughter while she is small… LOL My daughter just turned 19 two weeks ago and I have been GOING THROUGH IT since she was 12 1/2…UGGHH!!
Umm, I just linked to your post without your permission. I got carried away by the butterscotch chips. Please forgive!
You amaze me always with your simple life snippets that relate to the larger picture. Well done.
Wonderful! I too have a sneaky, closet eater that won’t learn her multiplication facts. Small world.
If you have 253 butterscotch chips and your mom eats 250, aren’t you learning subtraction the hard way?
That’s a mug shot for sure! Get the police report and you can educate the entire family and make it a lesson for your daughter. Good Luck!
Oooh. That’s a great idea. I think I can fabricate a police report. Actually, that would just make me a liar. Oh well. Is lying illegal? Maybe that’s what the mug shot was for.
If you can estimate her age at the time of the photo and know where she was living at the time, you might be able to find whatever police report may exist. Absent courthouses burning down or flooding, most counties in the US keep all that stuff somewhere. The trick can be finding out where. Most states have something similar to the FOIA that can help you find the records. If you want more info, please feel free to contact me at crossfitfattie at earthlink dot net.
Great post! I would think mug shot but how many people get to take home their mug shots? Interesting….maybe it’s a joke?
Maybe someone sent the mug shot to my grandma and tried to use it as blackmail, and then she killed him…or her…and buried him in the backyard. That would explain the recurring dream about burying someone in the backyard.
Ha! Excellent point!
thank you for stopping by. I LOVE YOUR BLOG ……
))))))))
If it will put your mind at ease (I am not certain that is totally possible whilst children reside with you) that picture (those pictures) are all front-on shots. Mugs shots must show both profiles. They are not mug shots. If she was trying out for something professional (a play or some such), they might take those kind of shots. Of course, it is always possible she merely had them done so you would, someday, find them and ask this sort of thing.
Scott
Adventurous minds with no adequate explanations can jump to all sorts of conclusions. My grandma never had a job, never learned to drive, my grandma sat in her recliner her entire life and watched televison. She only left the house once a week to go grocery shopping. She did this her entire life. I would like to think that for once she had an adventure.
Ah, then enjoy!
Sweet blog! The whole wacky family thing? I can relate. I’m sure we all can (though the grandma mug-shot thing is pretty impressive).
those chips are probably made out of sugar and spice and everything nice..oh wait, that’s your daughter too.
hehehehe
You crack me up! I would definitely further investigate the ambiguous mugshots/fauxshots. You found a gem! Also gems = those butterscotch chips.
Bribery for school work. Been there, done that, and accomplished nothing but a belly ache for the child in question. Did not receive a t-shirt.
Nice mugshot. I found my mother’s combat boots once, but the mugshot is better. Way better.
Funny post and the crown is a must have! I lost my mom and grandmother within the last 3 months and found things I can’t speak of while other family members are still living!
My sister recently cleaned my Grandmother’s house and found old pictures of people my Dad grew up with in the 20′s and 30′s and she felt good to scan and send osme of these pictures to their children. God bless!!!.
Woweewowwow. Like!
Thanks for the story about the butterscotch chips. It brings back old memories of when I pulled a similar trade with my parents almost 50 years ago. Only it was involving sour jube jubes, and didn’t get my homework done. My parents took me with them the grocery shopping following Saturday, which they usually avoided back then. They bought 3 bags of sour jube jubes, I thought I had hit the jackpot. To my horror, over the next week my dad taught me about the math of subtraction, as he ate one every little while each day till they were gone, with nary a one for me. He never even mentioned my homework,however years later when I was trying to negotiate using the car, and he asked if I wanted some sour jube jubes for the trip? Lesson learnt.
Ha! Everyone in the house likes those butterscotch chips. My poor little girl needs to hurry up and learn her math or they will all be gone, unless she steals them again.
Wonderful! The truth always comes out in the last paragraph (grin)!
Hey thanks. You’re awesome.
Still my favorite crazy white woman! — YUR (But, you gotta see my green one!)
I was thinking of coloring my skin with marker for Halloween.
I highly recommend the NON-TOXIC kind, Missy! — YUR
I actually have newspaper clippings from my dear sweet grandmother’s arrest. I think you may have just inspired my next blog post. Can’t wait to get home and snap some pictures of those old clippings. Everyone has secrets and boy was I surprised when I discovered my grandmother’s.
Your grandmother was arrested AND in the newspaper? Whoa. That is way cool. I sure hope it was worth it.
I think so. I was 26 before I ever heard the whole story. Don’t worry, I will posting the story tomorrow. I have to go dig out those newspaper clippings. A story of betrayel, Private Investigators, and a small town hair dresser. Good stuff for sure.
Math was never my strong point, but puzzles were…I only know a few secrets to multiplication.
Like the 9 table, your hands hold the key, fold down the finger multiplier. 9×1 = 9 (you fold you’re left thumb down, and look at your hands you’ll see 9 fingers) 9×2 = 18 (look at all 10 fingers and only fold your pointer down, 1 and 8). 9×3 = 27 (only fold down your middle finger 2 and 7) This only works to 9×9. For 9×10 when you fold your right thumb down, just remember to add a 0 to the end 9×10=90. I found when it was easier to visualize it, it was easier to do.
11x another number is like the doppelganger multiplier, so 11×2= 22, 11×3=33, 11×4 =44 … until you get to 11*10 = 110 (remember that zero at the end).
Also 12×12 = 1 gross. 1 gross is 144 and 144 Lima beans are gross (unlike butterscotch chips).
Your posts are just hilarious and lighten up my day and so I just nominated you for the “One Lovely Blog” award. http://chasingyellowcabs.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/when-it-rains-it-pours-oneactually-two-lovely-blogger-award/
Congratulations and keep up the good work.
xx
Preethi
Hilarious!
Brilliant! I also eat cereal where no one can watch me. And this is why I burn my mug shots. My grandkids ain’t uncovering dirt on ol’ Granny Paige!
I hope you didn’t commit any cereal crimes.
I only have a Daughter and my only child. I can say without a doubt she can be sneaky, one year we found a pile of candy wrappers from Halloween under a chair when we lifted it to vacuum. She also sneaks a flash light to bed to read at night, I turn a blind eye and pretend she is getting away with it.
The stuff I find in my kids rooms, let me tell you. I find candy wrappers and I don’t even know where they came from.
Butterscotch anything is good. Sneaky can be good. Skeletons in closets can be pretty good too. the combination makes for a delightful post. Thanks for sharing.
I caught my daughter and her little cousin violet in the pantry one day. They had the door closed and I when I opened it, little Violet gasped and whispered to my daughter “how did she know?”
Your little girl is just adorable. I hope that she grows up just like you and it looks like she is off to a good start! lol As for the Grandmother, why not take the high road and believe that she was just trying to prove her height!
What does it mean to take the high road?
Tt means instead of the low road: like thinking that she was a criminal and that was he mug shot! Assumptions make an ass out of you and me.
How old is your daughter?
The first time I tried to learn the multiplication table I was about 7,and I wasn’t able to fit it into ny mind
I was always great at maths but that school years was a disaster,
Good luck teaching your daughter the multiplication table, especially that she don’t want to learn it
My daughter is 8. Her second grade teacher gave a multiplication test every single day during the last couple weeks of school. I don’t think that testing kids when they don’t know something actually teaches them things. I am supposed to do multiplication flash cards over the summer but that doesn’t do any good to a kid who doesn’t understand multiplication. So I gave my daughter a multiplication chart and told her how to read it. I give her the problem and she looks up the answer. So far, I think she had recognized a pattern and understands it. She’s memorized a few.
My older son likes to show off and answer the problem before she does. This makes her mad. It makes her even more mad when her little brothers answer the problems.
Lol, I was lucky to be the only son
For me grade 2 was a disaster, but grade 3 was great, I used to het a star every day for memorizing the multiplication table, my cousin faced the same problem, she was bad at grade 2, but she got better at grade 3, many kids are like this, hopefully since she got a great mother like you she will become great at the multiplication table,
That certainly looks like a mug shot. I assume that’s your grandmother. So many things happen in a person’s life, you never know what to expect. Your little girl is cunning. I wonder if she takes after mom or dad. Good post!
I would say my daughter takes after me. My husband is honest. I can wrap my head around it.
Mugshots are rarely uncool. And your artwork is great.
I used to work at Borders Books (before we went belly up). Your stuff is better than most of the crap I’d see. Keep it up.
I used to shop at Borders books. I think I bought some cool fairy tale books there. I’m thinking about re writing the Grimms fairy tales and the Tales from the Arabian nights. I’m going to do the obscure stories that nobody has read. I am going to change the way they are written so that normal people can understand them.
She sounds adorable! I have two sons; always thought I would have had no idea how to raise a daughter! And watch out for that addictive candy…
I have three boys and a daughter. I can’t get the little boys to eat anything at all, and all the girl want to do is eat. it should be the other way around.
I love your wacky blog title. Thanks for the “like”. I hope you’ll be back for a visit and leave a comment.
If ifs and nuts were fruits and nuts we’d all have a merry Christmas, is actually from a nursery rhyme book I read to my kids. They are sick of me saying it all the time. You know, some dads say if frogs had wings they wouldn’t bump their butts when they jumped.
a. Maybe grandma had thing for butterscotch chips as well, and I don’t know got sticky fingers one time…that could explain the alleged mugshot. Maybe? I’m totally not serious. b. I’ve never seen those in the store before. I need those in my life. I looove butterscotch.
I try to stay away from candy if I can. I have a weakness for certain things like brownies, reeces peanut butter cups, reeces pieces, and now butterscotch chips. I guess they are like chocolate chips that taste like reeces pieces. They are soo good. I would make cookies with them but there’s barely enough left.
love your stories
Great read, thank you!
Treat it like a business deal. Pay half up front and half when the work (multiplication tables) are complete.
Or better yet get into some real psychological reinforcement and reward. Pay out a few treats for each section of the multiplication table, so there’s constant incentive to keep going.
And hide away the treat somewhere under lock and key.
What a wonderful post!! It just goes to show we all go through trials with our children. But I have a feeling you’ll soon out smart your daughter! LOL…Many, many blessings to you and thank you so much for sharing….Robin
Hee hee – very enjoyable and amusing.
I love how you combined butter scotch chips, multiplication tables, and the possibility of your grandmother having a criminal story all in one post, very creative! Did you ever find out why your grandma has a mugshot like that? wow, I’d freak if I ever saw my sweet grandma in a police blotter!
Your daughter reminds me of my son! I love your writing!
Jesus Christ, you’re funny!
Lisa
http://sheslosingit.net
Lol, never get between a little girl and her candy. They always win, always
Reblogged this on Toni's Room and commented:
You have me cracking up! I thought it was just my daughter who tried to constantly outsmart me! Love it! Mug shots usually have a number on them so that may be for some type of ID card. Interesting – i hope you get the story from her.
We’ve been trying to figure out what kind of ID they would be for if it was for an ID. My grandpa was military, but so has everyone else in the family, and there hasn’t been any with the height chart in the back. We showed it to my grandma but she couldn’t remember. She’s been high on morphine lately and her stories are a bit off the wall, so it wouldn’t matter.
Your daughter is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!
I really think the clever deception kicks into gear when multiplication and division hit the table.
Check out my blog.
Seriously I can’t stop from laughing. I love the way you curtly write; so funny. My daughter is almost four years old and is finding that she has a lot of deceptive bones in her body. My sweet little girl! Hahaha, oh well. She WAS sweet…thanks for writing!
Oh boy, a mug shot of grandma? I don’t know what to think of that….that’d be a startling find, for sure!
(I do fall for the buying treats for the promise of future behavior. I don’t learn.)
Luckily, my boys don’t sneak food; they tell me everything they eat so I’m well aware they are eating me out of house and home as they do it
Mugshot grandma? I’m sorry your grandma was awesome, you should share your klepto mania sometime so we bloggers can infer it runs in the family. Laugh of the day easy.
Reblogged this on quamintheblckrican's Blog and commented:
I can feel you
I guess that why the same fruit cake get passed around year after year. It’s full of Ifs and or Buts. I will have to re-gift it this year. Merry Christmas!
Is it the same fruit cake that’s passed around at Christmas, or just the same kind?
I think they only made one, not sure. Should I eat this one and find out? If you get one the Christmas then we’ll know
Hi there Clo! Were you a secretive child growing up? You know for some uncanny reason, our chilren mimic us, if it skips that generation, perhaps the grandkids. My lucky offsprings and gran offsprings have the gift of chatter. LOL They don’t keep secrets. Wonder where they got that?
I love this!
Yes. I was very secretive. I still am. Maybe I will outgrow it one day.
Aha!, There it is.:-)
Your posts are just hilarious and lighten up my day …
in love with them
Your daughter reminds me a lot of myself when i was her age, and I started to think back on some of the sneaky things I did, like stealing my brothers’ toys when they weren’t looking, and getting into special foods that my parents had for parties, and for school lunches. As an aside, I wasn’t very good at math then, and I’m still not now, and even to this day, I require a great motivating force to get me to work on anything math related.
Reblogged this on kevinerplummero.
Ha! My daughter would sneak candy and I’d find the wrappers wadded up in between her bed and the wall (I subsequently “redecorated” her room and placed the bed in the center). My son was a sleep-eater…and I’d wake him in the morning for school and find apple cores in his bed. *sigh* Those were the days!
I am always finding candy wrappers everywhere and sometimes, I find other missing things. I think my kids are ferrets.