I had to have this surgery yesterday and now I have to really take it easy. No lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk, no coughing, and no hysterical fits of laughter. Okay, sure it sounds easy enough but I have this insane children who are constantly coming up with off the wall things.
So my daughter asked me what a manger was, because you know, they laid the baby Jesus in a manger. So I explained to her that a manger is like a huge wooden box that they stick hay in to feed the cows. She asked me if the cows ate out of a manger and I said “yes.”
Then she asked me if the cows tried to eat the baby. Honestly, how do you answer a thing like that. I had to bite my finger and keep from laughing. I sure am glad that we are all out of tootsie roll mustaches.
Oh don’t worry. It wasn’t a serious surgery or anything. The doctor just lifted my fallen bladder and stuck it in a sling mesh made out of some sort of pig body part. The ear I think, that’s roundish isn’t it. My cells have to fuse into the mesh until I become one with the pig. This got me wondering…”Is this Kosher?”
In the Jewish faith, pigs are unclean and anything unclean is called “trife.” When pigs were labeled trife this was before handwashing, vaccines, anti-biotics, and modern sterilization techniques. The doctor swore up and down on the Torah that the body part she used from that filthy unclean animal was completely free of disease and bacteria and was completely sterile.
So I guess it’s okay, and especially because I’m just a lowly Gentile, and it’s okay for me to be part trife. But I still wonder if I could have the pig sling if I had been Jewish. There is an alternative synthetic sling, but I hear they have problems with those and the body doesn’t recognize the material and fights it and causes a serious infection.
That which does not kill us makes us stronger, so why would you hold fast to a practice that has been remedied by modern medicine. I guess those poor old Jewish ladies all walk around peeing all over themselves because they can have a pig mesh to fix their prolapsed bladder. Personally, I think that’s unclean.
I learned on a TED talk that doctors use pig materials as replacements in humans because the pig cells are very close to humans. So I wonder if some humans at one time evolved into pigs and Jewish people knew this and made it forbidden to eat the pigs because that would be cannibalism. But I wonder, though, If I can ever become Jewish now that I have this pig organ in me. Do you think they have a “Don’t ask, don’t tell policy?”
When you become Jewish, do they give you one of those past history sheets where you have to answer whether or not you have received a pig transplant? That would be a shame, because Jewish folk tales are so wonderful and I do hope to meet a Rabbi Some time who would tell me some wonderful stories and I am afraid now that Jewish people might not be allowed to come near me now.