I have these really annoying neighbors that always seem to be poking their noses over my back fence and coming over to tell me that my children are too noisy or that they are yelling curse words in the street or being victims of acorn chucking thugs in the street.
You know the type, they make up stories about me and spread nasty rumors around the neighborhood about me that have no basis on reality.
Anyway, I couldn’t help but notice today that there was a moving van parked in front of their house for a couple of hours. It wasn’t a nice kind of moving van that rich people use, it was a budget moving van, and a small one at that.
I have been on my knees day and night praying to my dear lord and savior begging for his divine mercy… begging him to make those pesky good for nothing scoundrels move back to Oklahoma where they came from.
Thats why they are so horrible, it’s because they’re from Oklahoma, you know.
I wonder if it would be prudent to march over there with a clipboard and start asking questions, because I am just dying to find out if they are really moving away.
I mean, they do this sort of thing to me all the time, I might as well get my kicks, right. so I made up a list of questions to ask them when they answer their door.
1. Are you moving away?
2. Why was there a moving van parked outside your house?
3. Are you having marital problems?
4. Is it about money?
5. Are you having financial problems.
6. Tell me how much money you make annually and all your expenses and I will help you out with your budget. I’m really good with money.
I bet the wife left the husband. He’s a nasty fellow that suffers from anger management problems.
Actually, I think that the husband killed the wife and stuck her in the Budget moving van and checked the van out under my name. I hear he works for the CIA, he has connections.
I bet they are moving away because they were really offended by the ten foot fence we put up between our house and theirs. Maybe they are depressed because they have lost their only source of entertainment.
I’m going to go ask them what’s going on. If I’m not back in 5 minutes, call Budget moving van rentals and ask them to check their storage units for dead bodies.