Okay, so like, maybe I am. But I didn’t plant them. Our house was a foreclosure. That means we bought it cheap from the bank because the previous owners didn’t take care of it and decided not to pay the mortgage. So naturally, we have mostly weeds and barely any grass. The entire yard is filled with this horrid crab grass.
Weeds are like problems. Let one get out of hand …let one go to seed…
and the whole dad gum yard is filled up with them. They are alive and they grow fast and pretty soon, there are so many that it seems overwhelming…you just don’t know where to start.
Other people’s weeds can blow their seeds into a perfect lawn. You have to be on your toes all the time to have the perfect lawn. Is it worth it?
If you are the only one who cares, there’s a rough road ahead.
I care, though. I want a nice pretty lawn. But I’m a cheapskate tightwad and I don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars a month paying someone to spray my yard with chemicals and fertilizers. So I started thinking. How can I have a beautiful yard and not spend any money at all?
I tried weed killer. But this is Texas crabcrass and weed killer is like fertilizer to this stuff. I tried to pull it out, but the roots are too deep and there’s so many of them.
So then I had it. I decided to boil them all to death. So for the past three days I have been boiling water in the kettle and pouring boiling water on each and every nest of crabgrass in the yard.
This is a great way to meet up with neighbors and catch the latest gossip. And speaking of gossip, I made a joke that the neighbor killed his wife and stuck her on a moving van. Well I was half right. It turns out that the crazy lady that lives behind me has a daughter who shot herself a few weeks ago. Yup. She killed herself. I kinda feel bad, but still, you know. I guess she’s such a psychopath that she ran her own kid into the ground. Talk about naysayers.
So here’s my strategy for the thrifty lawn:
Step 1 : Kill all weeds
Step 2: Fertilize with fish fertilizer and epsom salts in the springtime
Step 3: Let the grass grow so long that it grows to seed while keeping out all the bad weeds.
Step 4: Mow the thick lush lawn.
Step 5: Ignore comments made by naysayers who want to tell me this won’t work, but have no earthly idea what will work.
By the way, I can afford to spend loads of money on my lawn, but I am saving money to purchase rental property. I don’t want to look poor, and yet at the same time, I don’t want to spend money. There is method to my madness. I promise.