Every winter, thousands of poor innocent children in the southern part of the United States fall victim to a terrible tragedy. The snow falls from the sky but only sprinkles enough snow on the ground to make it look like a Winter Wonderland. But when they try and make a snowman, it takes every bit of snow in the entire yard, and the outer extremities of Frosty the Snowman is covered with mud and leaves. The yard is no longer covered in a blanket of white diamonds, and becomes a pool of mushy goo that they will track into the house.
Chances are, this mud dilemma will cause the moms to yell at the kids, and this uneasiness might lead to more fighting and shouting and insults and remembering of wrongs which could lead to divorce, or the proverbial family Christmas suicide. It’s horrible, and to think, it all started with a winter snowfall.
So I’ve come up with a solution that could very well lead to world peace. I call it the Texas Mudman.
All you have to do is form balls made out of compacted dirt and clay. The deeper down you dig, the more dense the dirt will be. Then rub chamomile seeds all over the entire surface and keep moist.
The mudman will turn into chamomile tea man all year round. Then the three days out of the year it actually snows, the snow will fall on the mudman, completely covering him with snow. You’ll have an automatic snowman, and you don’t have to risk your life and get frostbite all over your fingers to make a snow statue that will only last a week. And you’ll still have a fresh blanket of snow, perfect for snow ice cream and throwing at that annoying old lady who keeps calling the city on you because the yard looks like a jungle.
I haven’t actually tried this project, because I have one of those boring sensible husbands who isn’t willing to try innovative experiments. He just doesn’t approve of my ridiculous nonsense sometimes.
(My husband looks just like this guy that I found illustrated in the Wall Street Journal)
I don’t think it’s ridiculous, though. I have reason to believe that it’s a very practical innovative idea. Chamomile grows in compacted soil, I know this, because I have it growing in a very dense walkway in my back garden.
The hole that the mudman comes out of can be used to plant potatoes that can give you free food all year round, (or a week, really).
And if you bury a chicken beak stuffed with feathers from an unladen swallow, that was sacrificed under the blue wolf moon in late October, you can sprinkle the mudman with pixie dust and he will come to life, and wash the windows for you.
Chamomile tea can be purchased from Mountain Rose Herbs, and I have actually sprinkled this stuff in my yard and chamomile has grown from this. Pick the tiny flowers, rinse them and add a tablespoon to boiling water. Fresh chamomile tea is the best stuff I have ever tasted, it is far better than the dried stuff and it’s so wonderful to have a free beverage every day of the year. The less money you have to spend, the less money you have to make.