Drinking the Blood of the Unholy Beast

In case you haven’t noticed, the world is changing.  People are changing,

music is changing,

clothes are changing.

Everything is changing.  Change is a good thing.  Or at least that probably what Martha Stewart would call it.

It isn’t bad.  It isn’t good.  It’s just the way of the world.  It’s the way things are.  Go with the flow and learn to adapt or be weeded out of the gene pool for all eternity.

Old people are always going on and on about how the youth of today are screwed up and immoral.  After reading several hundred stories of long ago, I have come to the conclusion that old people have been saying this since the beginning of time.  I think that’s the sort of thing people just say when they get old.  Young people are just young and foolish and just haven’t learned the way of the wise.  They don’t have years of trial and error and experience behind their belts to make perfect decisions about life.

Even if you could be taught wisdom at an early age, if you haven’t been taught such things, whose fault is it?  It’s the fault of the older generation.  Perhaps teaching wisdom can be done, but it has to be done correctly.  You have to begin with the end in mind, and you have to know and understand the way of the world.

This is a picture of my great grandmother, Mabel.  She is not really a feather Indian, she just married one.  She’s actually Irish and her maiden name is Bigbee.  She followed all of the ancient tribal rituals, and read all of the ancient texts, except for the Kundalini, because an inscription is on the cover of that book and it clearly states “It is forbidden to read this text.”

My great grandmother, Mabel, for some reason, firmly believed that modern day society was innately evil.  She believed that the one true way to live was to follow the natural cycles of the Universe and to stay away from anything made of plastic.

She believed that plastic was the blood of the Beast that would one day take over the world.  And therefore, nothing made of plastic could be purchased, used or brought onto their land or there would be hell to pay.

Plastic comes from petroleum, which is just a form of refined crude oil.  In case you didn’t know, oil comes from the ground and is actually made from the remains of dinosaurs who lived many millions of years ago.  My great grandmother Mabel claimed to have read an ancient text that declared oil to be the blood of the beast.

According to legend, if the blood of the beast is extracted from the earth, it will awaken the spirit of the beast and he will reap havoc on the earth and cause chaos and war and destroy not only the human race, but every living thing on the face of the earth.  Why would a creature do such a thing?  For fame fortune and glory?  To rule the world?  What’s the motive, you may ask.  The beast doesn’t have a motive, he’s just a monster and likes to destroy things just for fun.  That’s why.

And that’s also why her children and her grandchildren were completely forbidden to use plastic.  Which I don’t think is all that bad, because plastic drives me nuts.  But then again, I didn’t have some deranged lunatic mother breathing down my neck at every minute of the day making sure that I wasn’t using plastic.

Actually, my mom and Aunt Dorcas were practically raised by their grandparents because their dad died when they were little. So they spent their early childhood being warned of the dangers of the beast.  They were told that using plastic was like drinking the blood of the beast.  They were also told that if you drink the blood of the beast, you become one of his evil minions and he will summon you to follow him.

The government forced my great grandmother to send her grandchildren to  school!  Can you believe the nerve?  She didn’t have her own car, so they sent a school bus that was filled up with plastic! And all the other kids at school were using plastic.  They had plastic clips for their hair.  They played with plastic toys and listened to plastic music on their plastic record players.  They kept their plastic jewelry in plastic jewelry boxes.  It drove my great grandmother absolutely bonkers.  She was constantly smudging them with white sage to release the evil powers of the beast.  She made them drink concoctions to release negative energy they got from riding in the plastic school bus.  And to make things worse, my mom and Aunt Dorcas were constantly sneaking around in order to use plastic.  They even went so far as to ask for running water and electricity.

Do you know what happens to people who are raised by control freaks who have believes that are the opposite of the rest of society?  Well, if you don’t already know, let me give you an example.

Okay, maybe that’s not the best example, because that’s just a made up story. But here’s a real guy who was raised by a crazy grandmother.

This is Charles Manson.

His grandmother was a religious fanatic and we all know what happened to him.  It’s no wonder my Aunt Dorcas finally flew off the deep end one day and cut the roses on a Mercury retrograde day.  And you can’t really blame her at all for reading the forbidden text of the Kundalini, she’d just heard so much about it, and really just wanted to see for herself if plastic was really an unholy substance that could cause a plague of locusts upon the land and an infestation of boils like no man has ever seen before.

I mean, seriously, I personally believe that the control freak mothering thing can have some serious side effects on certain types of offspring.  I have learned from careful observation, that this parenting tactic is not for me.

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