In the beginning, when the world was new, there existed only the spirit world.
And everything was wonderful. Everything was peachy keen and hunky dory and all the spirits gave glory to the Lord. Halleluiah. Amen, brother. But it isn’t that way anymore, now is it? No. It’s not. As you can plainly see, it isn’t that way at all. You know why? Because it was boring.
And that is why the flesh was invented.
Of course it wasn’t actually invented the way that you invent light bulbs and internets. This corporeal world that we live in just came into being. With flesh, comes pain and suffering. The ancient people who lived in the beginning of time knew that if they followed the signs in the sky, they could control the magnetic forces and the water that made the flesh of man.
Truly, all things made of flesh can be controlled by aligning the things you do, with the patterns in the sky. If these things are followed, there is no pain and suffering. The earthly world is wonderful and perfect, and the mangos just fall off the trees ready to eat. The fish practically jump out of the water and leap into your hands. It all works out perfectly and everyone sings happy happy joy joy all the day long. It’s all dandelions and lollipops. Well, maybe not lollipops because they’re a synthetically made product and are probably nothing more than a modern byproduct of the unholy beast that wants to control the world, but that’s beside the point. Follow the order of the universe, and the forces of nature will be on your side and everything in life will be the epitome of sheer and utter perfection.
Being in direct alignment with the cosmos happens by accident all the time. It’s rare, sure, but it happens. It’s the day that you finally get into the swing of things and everything just clicks and you finally understand derivatives and organic chemistry. It’s the day you can finally flip the pancake into the air and catch it in the pan without it getting broken or all crooked or something. When there is harmony, the pizza is always the right amount of crispness on the bottom, yet, oh so chewy in the middle and the cheese is that perfect amount of dark golden brown.
It’s when everyone you meet points you in the right direction and everything finally goes your way. The Universe is like one great big sugar daddy pimp. Do what he says, go with the flow…and the world is your oyster. Lady luck is on your side and she’ll blow her magic pixie dust all over the dice and you’ll always win the game of craps.
But if you screw up, if you “accidentally” mess up and do something wrong like prune the rosebushes while the planet Mercury is in retrograde, you better run for cover. Technically speaking, you can’t actually run from the universe, but you get what I mean. Gardening on a Mercury Retrograde Day will cause the energy in your life to become unsettled. It’s like an earthquake in the world around us that we can’t see or hear right away. I wonder though, if God really wanted everything to be all perfect and hunky dory all the time, then he wouldn’t have invented a Mercury Retrograde Day in the first place.
You must understand that there are some people in this world who just get bored with the lame brained same old same old. They want excitement. It isn’t good. It isn’t bad. It’s just the way things are. It’s the way of the world. People just get bored and want to liven things up. Everything has it’s price. Some people would sell their souls to the devil, just for a chance to make thing.
This is Pablo Picasso.
When he was a teenager, he painted this.
I wish I could pain like this. Picasso painted this when he was like, 16 years old. When I was 16, even my stick figure drawings look bad. But then again, my father hadn’t been teaching me to draw since the day I was born. Yes, that’s right, Picasso spent his entire life studying the art of science of making a painting look just like real life. But guess what? He got bored. Really bored. And so he decided that it was time for something completely different.
And so it was…out of order, came chaos. The same thing happened to my Aunt Dorcas. She was raised in a world in perfect harmony from day one. By the time she was born, her grandmother had read nearly ever text there was about how to align your life to create a perfect and beautiful place to live. By the time Aunt Dorcas was in high school, she was sick of collecting poo from lactating cows and stuffing it into bull horns every time the moon was waxing with a waterman alignment of Saturn. At every day and at every hour, there was a ritual that just had to be followed. It was different for every day, and it was always based on the diagrams and charts that great grandmother Mabel spend countless hours formulating.
If Saturn is to the right of the moon, but lies in the vicinity of the constellation Gemini, it means that the summer will be wet, and will rain on exactly August the 24, the first day of Virgo. This means that you must plant tomatoes on the first waterman moon in the waxing phase of scorpio. It’s exhausting and boring if it’s just not your thing. It wasn’t Aunt Dorcas’s thing at all, and she was the one that had to collect the valerian root and stinging nettle and mix up the solution. It was maddening. She had to mix vortexes in a giant pot for an hour in order to send cosmic energy into the water for the first tomato fertilizer. It was absolutely maddening and she didn’t believe any of the kooky old tribal books. Actually, she was just sick of being stung by the stinging nettles all the time, but since every one called her a whiny baby, she took all of her teenage angst out on the Universe. You’ve got to blame someone, you know.
She didn’t care about a bunch of stupid plants. She wanted to go to the movies and see the creature from the black lagoon.
But her grandmother wouldn’t stand for it. She said that movies were a hypnotic mind control device designed by the beast. Watching movies will make people want to use plastic and destroy the earth. Movies brainwash innocent children, and keep them from away from, the universe, the earth and mother nature.
Aunt Dorcas didn’t want to tiptoe through the tulips and sing in the rain that fell down upon the endless groves of mango trees, she wanted to have fun. She wanted to wear high heels and plastic jewelry.
She wanted to listen to Elvis Presley on a plastic record player. She wanted a 57 Chevy and a plastic bobble head dashboard Jesus. She wanted to go on a road trip. She knew there was more to life than fruit, fish, and composting. She knew there was more out there, and she was bound and determined to have it. She knew what she wanted and she knew how to get it.
So she snuck off one day, when nobody was watching, and she found the ancient text of the Kundalini. She was bound and determined to have everything that her heart desired.