Space Cadet

They say that you should never give up, no matter what.  They say that if the going gets tough, you just gotta get tougher.  Who are “they” anyway?  And what do they know?  Sometimes, it just seems pointless and I just can’t go on any longer.  I feel utterly defeated and I just don’t have the passion go on.  So I just quit. I felt really bad about this for a while until I heard about this guy.

Jon Acuff wrote a book called “Quitter.”  He says that most really successful people are quitters.  He says that you should quit things that are getting you no place fast.

Going no place fast is like being in a spaceship traveling to the moon in a homemade space ship with no rocket fuel.  For some reason, that metaphor reminds me of my dad.

My dad built a rocketship out of scrapmetal.

You might think that this is a very strange thing to do, unless I told you that my dad worked for NASA, had a doctorate in rocket science, and was working on it with some of his grad students at the University in Manchester. Knowing that small bit of information changes your perspective doesn’t it.  Instead of thinking, dear God Almighty, you’re dad’s off his rocker, you think, wow…your dad’s a genius.

Of course it isn’t true at all.  But that didn’t stop my sister Lilith from casually hinting around with our affiliation with secret government projects. Having one lunatic weirdo in the family was enough for her.  She had to maintain some sort of dignity.

My dad never worked for NASA, and he doesn’t even hold a real college degree.  He won’t be orbiting the moon or flying to Mars anytime soon, because his rocket only managed to hover three inches off the ground before the big incident.  And besides, his reason to fly off the planet was much different from NASA’s reason.

My dad belonged to this weird group of astronomers who called themselves the Sumerians.  They believed that in the year 2012, planet X, AKA planet Nibiru  was going to enter our solar system, and throw the earth’s orbit and gravitational pull out of whack.  They believed that it would be the end of the earth when this happened.  There would be massive earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tidal waves, and balls of fire would fall to earth from the sky.  The people of the planet Nibiru had contacted the head of the organization, Dennis Mitchel, via telepathy.  He was told the coordinates and date which he and his followers needed to get on a spacecraft and fly to the safety of their planet.  Since none of them actually enough money to build one of those posh intergalactic travel hotels, they came up with a plan to get the money.  It was called the X prize.

The X prize foundation is this non profit group that made a contest to award ten million dollars to the first non-government group who could launch a 2 man spacecraft into space twice within two weeks.  They wanted to motivate people to pursue space travel, and make leaving the planet affordable.  My dad and the Sumerians worked night and day for years trying to build this rocket.  They needed the money in the worst way.  They were bound and determined to get off this planet and they thought that this was the only way.

Of course, their biggest problem wasn’t building a rocket that could escape the atmosphere, it was getting the thing to launch into space.  They couldn’t use fuel, it was too expensive, and besides, grandmother Mabel wouldn’t let them use it anyway because she thought it was demonic. But that didn’t matter, because they all decided that they didn’t need fuel to escape earth’s gravity because gravity doesn’t exist at all.

It’s not what shines, but hides in the darkness that matter.  People don’t notice dark matter because it’s too dark for our eyes to see, yet it’s there and it’s pulling us down.  My dad and his crazy Sumerian friends decided that if they could get rid of the dark matter under the rocket, they could go flying off into space.  They didn’t know how they would stop once they got going, but that didn’t matter.

I don’t know why everyone was in such a hurry to leave such a beautiful place.  It was so wonderful on that mango plantation. It was so green and full of life, but nobody saw how wonderful it was.  They were too busy looking around at all the horrible things that were going on in the world, and all the horrible things that could theoretically happen.  But hey, to each his own.

These guys decided that they would send their rocket into space using dark matter propulsion.  Scientists have been trying to figure this one out for decades.  They might have figured it out a long time ago if Napoleon hadn’t burned down that big library, but that didn’t matter, we had other ways of finding out how it was done.

It’s no secret, and it’s so simple really, I just don’t know what the big fuss is about.  I’ll explain how it works.  There are these tiny subatomic particles, that are everywhere, all around.  If you look across the room and very carefully try to look at the air between objects, really concentrate and you’ll see that it’s kind of fuzzy.  No, I don’t need glasses, and yes I have 20/20 vision.

Anyway, these particles are pulling objects downwards towards the earth, like giant paperweights.  Remove them, and you’ll go flying.  You can move them any which way, but, they can only be moved by certain sound wave vibrations that don’t occur naturally.  These frequencies lie outside the range of human hearing.  Certain devices have to be built to make the vibrations that are needed to manipulate the particles.

I know that sounds totally crazy.  I entered the ones I built into the science fair in the ninth grade, and I made a fifty on my project because my poster didn’t have actual photos, and I didn’t use the scientific method.  And to make things worse, somebody stole all of my dark matter manipulating instruments while I went to bathroom, and I couldn’t even prove to anybody that they actually worked.

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