Once upon a time, in a land a thousand years ago, all was peaceful. The world was filled with rainbows and little bunny rabbits hopped too and fro through green meadows. Children ran through the forests and swung from the trees.
Indeed, there were no wars, no fighting, no calamities. The world was harmonious and peaceful and everyone held hands and sang songs. And then one day it all changed when an evil man invented…THE GUN. Suddenly, ordinary God fearing citizens were suddenly transformed from boy scouts to homicidal maniacs. It’s true. Guns are destroying the world and they must be banned so we can have harmony once more.
I’m not making this up. It’s true. If you don’t believe me. Ask Oprah.
This is my daughter on the Oprah show. She’s being recognized for a story she wrote on how guns have destroyed society.
Actually, that’s really a wax figure of Oprah. I’m not sappy enough to get on the Oprah show. But that’s beside the point. The point is, that I have made it my personal mission to rid the world of guns. Because if there are no more guns, than there can be no murders and massacres. Truly it is the answer to all of our problems. Since I can’t change the world, I started in my own home. I threw out the family weapons. I trashed the toy guns. I burned all the books containing pictures and all information about guns.
Unfortunately, my kids retaliated. They hiked into the woods and crafted their own weapons using an illegal terrorist’s free downloadable book they found on the internet. In just a matter of minutes, they had wielded their own weapons of mass destruction and they came after me to seek revenge.
What is a poor suburban mother to do? You raise them right and then they turn on you.