This is January, the first month in the year of perfection. All I want is a nice clean house. That’s it. I don’t think that I’m asking for too much. I just don’t want a bunch of crank slurping flidge all over the house. I want order.
However, I can not have this. There are far too many slobs in my life bringing me crank slurping flidge that I must be greatful for. I must cherish this flitch and keep it for the rest of my life.
Every year. Year after year. It’s the same old thing. My mother in law brings me loads of garbage for Christmas and I must never give it back, give it away or throw it away. There is no where to put it, and it gets dragged all over the house all day long. It makes the house disgusting. It drives me crazy. I should let it go. Nobody cares about the mess but me. In fact, my mother in law considers it selfish to think of one’s self. And therefore keeping house, is selfish and sinful. It’s Texan mentality. Sometimes I just wish I was Chinese. Chinese people are much cleaner.
It is the custom in China to prepare your house for the coming year by cleaning it. Cleaning the house releases negative energy. Legend has it that if you can clean your house so perfectly that there is a not a single grain of dirt within the walls of your house, you will have great fortune in the new year. The thing is, the house has to be perfect by New Year’s day, or it’s no deal with the Luck Dragon.
Chinese New Year is in one month. And once again. The house looks like a tornado struck.
I’m on a mission this year. I have one month to secretly throw out all the crap that’s cluttering my house. Can I do this year? Yes. I believe I can. But I have to be cunning. I have to be clever and wise. This year, if anyone asks me if I’ve thrown something away that I really shouldn’t have, I’ll say no. I put it on a shelf. Give me a picture of what you’re looking for and I’ll manifest it within one week. This will give me plenty of time to buy a new one if I have to. Hopefully, I didn’t throw out something valuable.
I live in a crazy world. It is forbidden to lie. It is forbidden to throw things away. Dear God Almighty. I am lying about throwing things away. I am a great sinner and I like it.