This is absolutely insane. I give up on my new years resolution to be perfect. Everyone tells me that perfection does not exist. If something does not exist, than I can not have it. So. I decided to be a loser instead. From today forward, I will lose every chess game. And I will learn to play bass.
The bass is a type of guitar and not a fish. It is forbidden to say the words bass and guitar in the same sentence in my society. Saying bass guitar will get me scorned and put to shame. If I had a bass guitar, I wouldn’t say bass guitar. I would have the bass guitar with me and therefore make the whole thing about explanations redundant.
I have to be on my best behavior. I am about to paint my kitchen floor red and I don’t want to freak anyone out. My goal is to just act sane and go with the flow. That way, when the first coat of red paint gets slapped on the tile, there won’t be wailing and gnashing of teeth. In my society, there are two things that really make people go absolutely insane, the color red, and painting the floor. I am about to cause a ruckus. I don’t want people to think I’m insane. If they think I’m crazy, they’ll get in my way and I won’t be able to carry out my plan called “Operation pretty house”. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to look nice.
A red kitchen floor will look nice. Trust me. I’ve got a plan.