Bad words are like cockroaches. Hate them. Try to banish them. You can pretend that they don’t exist, but they’re real. They’re everywhere, even when you don’t see them. But sooner or later, when you least expect it, one will come out of your very own house…and leave you trembling.
Bad words are what’s going to happen the day I paint my kitchen floor bordello red. I have to be cunning and skilled in the art of ninja mind control. Otherwise I will not be able to carry out my plan of house beatification. Because this is 2014, The Year of Perfection. Finally, once and for all my house will be absolutely perfect. Nothing will stand in my way. Except the envelope plan.
Chinese New Year is coming up soon. It will be the year of the wood horse. Women born in the year of the fire horse have been known to kill their husbands. It makes me wonder. I know a woman who was born in the year of the fire horse. I know her very well. Every time I see her I want to slap her and say bad words. But I don’t. Because if I do, I will be just like her.
I was born in the year of the rabbit. I’m lucky. I can just run away. Or I can just ignore it and do something insanely shocking like paint
my kitchen floor red. I’ve noticed that the color red is offensive to most people. But then I started thinking. I’ve given this a lot of thought and I have come to the conclusion that the color red is only offensive to obnoxious people. And, well, I don’t want to be around that sort of person anyway.
Despite the frightened looks and warnings, I did the most horrible thing that a person can do. I painted the kitchen floor red. And then I stenciled it with mandalas. It looks awesome and everyone loves it. I feel like I can live again. Finally that empty place inside has been filled. I love my kitchen floor! Hallelujah! Praise heaven above!
This is my kitchen floor.
My son told me that if anyone points out where I made a mistake, I should firmly deny it. I considered this option. But then I decided to fix every mistake and flaw. But I made it worse. Being perfect is no easy task. This is going to be challenging.