I know this lady named Debbie D. She lives across the street. This summer she offered to pay me $40 to take care of her epileptic dogs while she was out of town. Anyway, I haven’t seen her in ages and I bumped into her yesterday. Her husband has been having heart problems and was far too stubborn to see a doctor. He’s afraid doctors are trying to rip him off, she says. To make things worse, he wasn’t sleeping at night and was driving Debbie nuts. In fact, Debbie told me no less than 13 times that she was going to murder her husband. Then she said she threatened to leave him if he didn’t go to the doctor because she was about to kill him. Seriously. If you’re gonna kill someone and they’re about to die, don’t make them go to the doctor. (Oh, and to make things worse, she even made a subtle hint that if and when she does leave her husband, she’s going to stay with me. This lady doesn’t cook , clean, or do laundry. I don’t think I can handle a loud mouthed sedentary object in my house, but hey, that’s jus me. Not that I’m complaining or anything, because I’m not. Because if I were to complain about something it would be the fact that the apostrophe key doesn’t work on my keyboard. Now that’s annoying.)
(I found a spare enter key on my keyboard. Hooray!)
Anyway, after Debbie got through telling me that she was going to murder her husband, she offered to watch my kids for me. How nice. I said thank you. But seriously, I don’t think so. I thought about this for a while, though, and decided that she probably doesn’t have enough money to pay me for watching her dogs so she’s making excuses. But I don’t know. Her name is Debbie. I have a theory about people named Debbie. Every Debbie that I have ever known has been a hot headed succubus. Not that I have anything against women who make their husbands go to work and come home and do housework, while they sit around and knit bags out of grocery sacks.
It makes me wonder. If Debbie were to murder her husband would he suspect it and be able to fight back or would he just die to keep from being married to that unholy succubus? I wonder. She never really did go out and say just how she planned on murdering him. So, technically speaking, it could be just a bluff. I wonder if she plans on doing her own self in as well. I doubt she could figure out how to get away with it. Who knows. Prison might be good for her.
It makes me wonder though. This is the year of the horse. In Japan they have a legend that women born in the year of the fire horse will kill their husbands. It is for this reason that Japanese women don’t have children in the year of the fire horse. Anyway, in order for this Debbie to be born in the year of the fire horse she would have to be born in 1966. That would make her 48. Hmm. Could be. Ill have to ask. But, Id better not invite her to my backyard any time soon. She might get some ideas.
I’ve decided to make a miniature version of Chitzen Itza to go with my sunken gardens. (The opposite of a raised bed for people who want to keep the water in the ground.)