If you go to the castle nonesuch, you won’t ever want to leave. All the sheets are made of cotton, 100 percent weave.
At the edge of the Chesky island, up at the tippy top. There’s castle filled with manners, and they always dance up top. This is the castle nonesuch. You have never seen such fabrics. Everything in the castle …is hand made by the finest craftsmen in the world. If you want to go there, all you do is bring a fine gift and present it to the king as a gift and walk away. If the king approves and thinks it’s pretty cool, he’ll invite you over to visit the castle.
That’s it. He won’t let you live there of course. He’ll just let you come over and look around. That way, you can copy it and have one of your own. It’s less complicated that way. And if your house ever gets cool enough, you’ll get to do the same thing. You know, have people bring you way cool gifts all the time. Oh, and later on, if you get too much stuff, you can give it all away to your friends for Christmas, and they’ll like it.
Oh dear me. It’s just absolutely delightful being a King. Everyone on Chesky Island wants to be the King. However, I don’t think they even know what the king does. For starters, the King has to wear Ralph Lauren’s Clothes all the time. He has to sit proper and drink tea with snobbish old ladies every day at four o clock. I mean seriously. Who would want to live like that? I hear, they don’t even look through telescopes. They don’t have any cranks either.
Jesus Almighty! How are they surviving? Lord knows. There’s a real village behind that castle. I hear, those people are all warriors who can attack if someone tries to overtake the castle. Nobody knows they’re there. Everyone thinks the whole thing is just pretend because it’s so prim and proper. But it’s real.
They won’t let you visit unless you have the most manners in the whole world. Everyone on Chesky Island knows this. You know, the whole thing about manners getting you into the royal gates to have high tea with the queen. And so they’re are all trying very hard to be the most perfect people in the world, just in case the queen should ask them over for a visit one day. There’s a rumor that the palace cook has the best crepes you’ve ever tasted. That’s why everyone wants to go there so bad.
However, nobody from South Chesky Island ever gets to visit the castle nonesuch. They will never learn what it really means to have manners. And so it is and so it was, the way it had to be.
Have you had a Ding Dong today?
This message is brought to you today by Ding Dongs, the snake cake that you don’t have to bake yourself.
Jamcracker Theatre Presents
Fairy Tales From France
Volume 1, Story 1
1001 French Rendezvous
A long time ago, in France, there was a little girl. She didn’t want to marry a handsome prince one day and become the princess. She wanted to marry the beach lifeguard. He was a surfer named Larry who had a tatoo of a dolphin over his left shoulder. It was for this reason that the little girl decided that she was going to be the queen. She wanted to get her own castle, but she didn’t know how. So she decided that she would ask the queen herself. But the only way to do that was to make a gift so wonderful and so great that the queen herself would receive it, like it, and cherish it forever.
So the little girl read every book and listened to every story until she had heard them all over and over again. Then she wrote them all down neatly in handcrafted leather bound books that are now widely known as the Fairy Tales of France. The original copy is kept in an underground chamber underneath a secluded Castle in the South of France.
A hand crafted replica of the fairy tale collection was given to the little girl along with an ornately carved castle, which was carved entirely out of stone. She was given the title…Queen of the Castle Nonesuch.
She was Queen Miette Le Flume, the first queen and founder of Chesky Island.