Do you believe in the Lurch?


The Lurch is someone you know.  He is someone you’ve seen every day.  If he gets you alone his eyes will turn black.  The room will grow grow so warm that you feel like you are sitting inside a clam shell. That’s when the lurch sticks out his tongue and slurps the marrow from your bones.

6 responses »

  1. This is true. I have experienced this. And later I recognized that he could do that because i believe that he had power over me. he does not have that anymore.

  2. Hell yes, this person is real. Sometimes their eyes turn black when they realize “I GET TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF AND MY BORING HOBBY” because I’m too polite to excuse myself via fake seizure. Very for-real.

  3. Oh yes, the Lurch is real. Known in many cultures, by many names, he is most commonly encountered suddenly upon rounding a corner, when the arms are full, or otherwise occupied. He can appear too closely above your face when you open your eyes from a deep and enjoyable dream or, he can be discovered standing right beside you, after you have finished with a passing moment of intense concentration. On rare occasions the Lurch will be seen at a distance, then, always in a crowd of happy people who are dancing and are oblivious to his presence. He will be standing among them, watching. He is known by many names, but the cold shiver that runs up and down your spine whenever you see him is his real calling card. Thankfully, he can be banished by genuine laughter, most species of flowers, two of the three primary colors, a careful arrangement of boxes of animal crackers, and a few of the Marx Brothers movies (the ones with Zeppo). He hates all musical instruments, but he especially hates piccolos. He has two brothers, Achh (pronounced ‘Awk’) and Jimminny (pronounced, ’Jiminy!’)
    Wait a minute, I think I got the Lurch mixed up with that other guy, Reggie. Nevermind. Carry on, Jamcracker. I love your delightfully anarchic writing.

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